The roles of wife, Mother, cook, babysitter, bill payer, grocery shopper, the maker surer of shit not hitting the fan, and holding down a job may have finally become too much for me to bare. Or is it? Can I really handle all the pressure of doing all things in my life above and beyond while still having a few moments to read a book, eat a muffin with my coffee in the morning or tweeze my eyebrows and bathe in the evening? Can I do all these things well without crumbling and damn-it, should I really be expected to? `What about time for myself, maybe hitting up the gym, finding time to blog/write, have friends, or work on the things I enjoy like art & yoga?
Every few weeks I'll do my best to clean out my purse, and I'll pull out something that makes me cringe with embarrassment, crushed crackers, broken crayons, chewed up gum stuck to the lining, smashed and melted lipsticks. Today I found one of the most extraordinarily disgusting things I've ever seen, a moldy peach pit wrapped in a paper towel. I think I may have won the 'gross things you shouldn't ever admit on the internet' award. Every few weeks I try to clean out the cars, to find anything I might've missed while unloading groceries, toys, diaper bags, purses, food, and all the other crap I unload daily. Yesterday I found a sippy cup that had lodged itself way under the seat and the apple juice inside had fermented into such an odor that I didn't even bother washing the cup. I just threw it away, because I'm pretty sure that the fermentation had permanently poisoned the cup, could've even created craters in it. Did June cleaver have these issues? Did she forget about the bread in the back of the fridge that's been sitting there for 3 weeks and had taken on an unattractive shade of lime green? Everyday I spend at least a few hours cleaning up the house, working on laundry, organizing myself and my life and sometimes it's still not enough! I've never been the type to tolerate filth, so when I find moldy bread in my own fridge, it makes me want to regurgitate the PB&J I had for lunch. These are the days where I really question my ability to be super Mom.
We've taken it all on! We decided that we wanted to do it all and why shouldn't we? Maybe it should be phrased more like...'Why shouldn't some?' Because I'm exhausted! Because I don't want to do it ALL everyday anymore. I just wanna do a few things and do them well. I don't want to be everything to everyone. I want to be enough to have enough time for myself, my child, my family, friends and the things that I enjoy so much. I want to enjoy a long walk on a breezy afternoon and sometimes I wanna be able to do that everyday. Why shouldn't I? I want to be with my son when he's little, my basic instinct cringes to leave my son to go to work, not because I dislike my job but because I want to be with my baby when he's this little. The years go by, no bullshit! Why do I work so hard to win the rat race if I can't even enjoy being in the midst of it all. There are days where I wanna lock myself in a closet wielding a broom to keep myself away from all the sources pulling at me. I'll beat them all off one by one!
Bottom line is if anyone gets pulled in too many directions all the time, they may go a little psychotic. They may lose it every once in a while. Maybe this Mom should begin sporting water bottles full of inebriating liquids. I'm not cut out for it, I'm a high anxiety, loon sometimes and I make no apologies. Some women can do it all without getting flustered, but that's just not me
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So if Mommy is expected to do it all everyday, while still working, making time for herself and making sure Daddy comes home to a warm meal and a *cough* fun time, and making sure that the kids are entertained, and nurtured, then don't expect her not to fecking lose it every once in a while! I give up trying to rear the perfect child, be the perfect Mom, wife, friend, employee and all the other labels. How do you choose what goes by the wayside? Where do I compromise and not perform as well as I should? You don't, you just do what you can and if that's that enough for some people then you tell them to go fly a kite. I'll be the best I can be and if I find a moldy peach in my purse, I'll take the time for myself to blog about the damned peach pit!
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