A few of my favorite things.

 A long list of the most pleasurable things in life (in my humble opinion!)


~Rocking my son to sleep, feeling his warm drool dribble down my shoulder, staring at his rosy cheeks, loving him more than I could've ever fathomed loving another person. The moment he was born I knew that if I never did anything else important in my life, this would be enough.   Who knew I could create something so perfect?!  It's astonishing.

~Blueberry pancakes, white nectarines in the summer, tacos, sushi, white wine and chocolate.   All not at the same time please.

~ Music, I love it... can't get enough. Love the vibe in my bones and the chills that I get in my arms when I hear a song I love, turn it up yo!

~Art and beauty, anything that visually stimulates. Flowers, beautiful people (I love to people watch...mostly because I'm a nosy beotch but for other reasons also), and nature.

~The rain. The Garbage song 'I'm only happy when it rains' seriously applies in my case. I'm a big fan of cool, rainy, foggy weather. Apart from my hair being unmanageable and not being able to wear heels in the rain... it's pretty well perfect for me. Gotta love a roaring fire in the fire place and the sounds of drops on the ground, and the smell on the wet pavement... that's the best! I should move to Seattle. 

~Quite possibly may be one of the most phenomenal thing in life, a good pedicure. And by that I mean GOOD, cause it can go wrong very quickly! If the person is in a rush, if they don't have good technique, a good pedicure is like good sex... really satisfying, if not it just sucks; there really isn't an 'in between'. There's this cozy nail shop up the street from me and it's a gem! They scrub the hell out of the bottom of your feet and massage for quite a while, never long enough...because there's no such thing, but quite a while. And each moment is deliriously good!!

~Having my fridge fully stocked full of fresh produce, fruits and veggies,  farmers market style. Makes me feel semi healthy and good to be alive.

~When the house has just been cleaned, and I've taken a nice warm bubble bath, I put my feet up and relish in the days accomplishments I've made... even if they seem small, I'm still chipping away at the ole 'To do list.' 

~Shopping trips where I can blow a large wad o' cash, which is very rare. The smell of suede boots, and leather purses. The feel of silk blouses and sharp jeans, bangles and chandelier earrings.   Is there anything better?  Does this make me a shallow chick?  Maybe, or maybe I just have great appreciation for things that make me feel good. Okay moving on so I don't become depressed..

~ Laying next to Adam on fresh sheets straight out of the dryer after a bleach and downy wash, and the smell of his deodorant. No joke! Have to snuggle into his pits to get a good whiff! Sounds totally gross... but the man has zero body odor, pisses me off a tad!

~Classic movies, the ones that I can obnoxiously sing along to LOUDLY!! Hubby rolls his eyes, Caleb loves it!  I've turned my son into a toddler that knows all the tunes to the Wizard of Oz & My fair lady.  I'm so proud.

~Lazy beach bum days, I used to have these on a regular basis........
Stopping off for shrimp tacos and cadillac margaritas (on the rocks), slathering up in sunscreen, opening up the moonroof and the windows and letting the sea breeze smack me in the face.  Lying, bit ass up in the air on a towel, .knowing that no matter how much sunscreen I apply I still come home slightly pink.
Watching Caleb try to eat sand, and Adam try to stop him while I pour into a really juicy tabloid.

Quirky but not so cute, a list of... erh.. silly things about the human race.

Please just don't:  EVER!

I've said this time and time again. It is never okay to pick, pull, tweak, or itch your nose while driving. No matter who you think is or isn't looking,  someone is always watching. I once watched an asian man eat the junk that came out of his nose as he putted along in heavy traffic in his honda civic hybrid. Great, so he's trying to live green but I doubt one tissue would have set the dude back.

Asking how far along someone is when you don't know for CERTAIN that they are actually pregnant! Not okay people!!

Also, touching a strangers pregnant belly.  A very strange woman walked up to me in a parking lot when I was about 8 months along with Caleb and tried to rub me like a I was a living Buddha! I could have very well bitch slapped her and had a valid reason. Ask before you put your hands on a person you do not know, common courtesy.  Next time, I'll throw down!

To fart, burp or talk about bodily functions at the dinner table. Talking about bodily functions is never really acceptable unless you are doing a commercial for Metamucil. I don't want to know, in fact I'm pretty sure nobody does. Keep your pooo sessions to yourself. 

Wearing one color head to toe. Black is really the only exception.
Purple hat, purple top, and purple boots only makes you look like a lonely 60 year old women with 25 cats, or a pimp. I'd personally rather be a pimp.

This is for the girls and some boys. Please stop telling everyone how incredibly enormous you feel! Nobody wants to have to constantly appease your self image. Yes we all have our larger days, and I've had a few of them myself as of lately. But oHHHH eMMMM gEEEE one gets tired of hearing us whine about how FAT we are.
Exceptions: Feel free to confide in Bff's or your significant other, or when you're PMSING or after you've just downed a tub of Ben and Jerry's chunky monkey, then feel free to confide in anyone that will listen.

On a more serious note this one is important.  Issues like this really anger me. It's never okay to attach prominent issues to race. Sure we love our president or we don't (I personally am not a fan) but either way, we did not elect him because of the color of his skin. We elected him because he was the most qualified candidate, right?! Ideally yes, but no.  Not exactly what happened!  A HUGE percent of the black population that had never voted before chose to vote in this election and guess who for?  WHYYYY?? It should have ZERO to do with ethnicity. If he was asian, hispanic or white would it have changed what he stands for?! I'm tired of hearing 'Finally one of our people is in office!' What does that mean exactly?? Aren't we all ONE PEOPLE, one nation under God? This type of behavior is offensive and separates and I'm not a fan of it. Lets put away the race card, it's really about dang time. 

To cut off, tail gate, or honk your horn at someone who is going the speed limit and obeying the law. This gives a person perfect right to flip you off multiple times, run you off the road, and beat the ever living crap out of you. If you don't want this, it's best not to be an antagonist on the road... especially in California.

Never OK:
To chew with your mouth wide open.
To spit in public, seriously NAST-AY!
To not take into consideration others around you, meaning that if you have a lit cigarette kindly put it out if you are in a crowded area so as not to burn someone in the arm, or intoxicate others lungs around you.
To stiff on a tip when you had good service, simply because you are a tight wad! (See note on tipping etiquette).  Us servers... we remember you, we own bottles of visine!
To violently hurt someone even if they call you a horrendous name. Not really cool unless you are 5! Adults... we walk away.
Stealing someones parking spot.
Cutting in line. In fact, if you are shopping for a family of say 20?! And you have two hundred items in your cart, it might be nice to let the girl behind you with a bottle of shampoo and two tabloids go ahead of you at the grocery store. Just a thought.
To be on your phone while ordering food, or checking out at the register at any restaurant, grocery store, etc.  If you expect service from someone have the decency to GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE NOW! 

To tell a person struggling financially that 'Money is the root of all evil anyways.' Those people can go straight to H E L L! They have never been poor, they have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas. Money may not make you happy but it sure can make you miserable & stressed beyond belief if you don't have it.

To try to take back used underwear.  I can recall a situation standing in line at Victorias Secret, it took about 15 minutes for the manager to finally give into the persistent woman in front of me that said her underwear wore out too quickly just to shut her up. Kinda makes you wonder what she was doing in them.  Just buy new ones.

To sport a mullet. To sport a backwards mullet, yes Kate Gosselien that goes for you. Nobody wants your hair cut, nobody likes it. 

To get your freak on in a public pool whilst children are swimming around you. It did happen believe it or not! My eyes bled a little.

To fart in a room, elevator or aisle way and then walk away leaving your poor friend to take the credit for it.  Listen, if you can't hold it in till you reach a restroom at least have the decency to claim it.


On a more serious note this one is important.  Issues like this really anger me. It's never okay to attach prominent issues to race. Sure we love our president or we don't (I personally am not a fan) but either way, we did not elect him because of the color of his skin. We elected him because he was the most qualified candidate, right?! Ideally yes, but no.  Not exactly what happened!  A HUGE percent of the black population that had never voted before chose to vote in this election and guess who for?  WHYYYY?? It should have ZERO to do with ethnicity. If he was asian, hispanic or white would it have changed what he stands for?! I'm tired of hearing 'Finally one of our people is in office!' What does that mean exactly?? Aren't we all ONE PEOPLE, one nation under God? This type of behavior is offensive and separates and I'm not a fan of it. Lets put away the race card, it's really about dang time. 

Karma will bitch slap you!

My Momma always said, 'Don't mess with the peeps that deal with your food!'
Okay we all go out to eat, being a server I may be a little bit biased but some people need a lesson in tipping etiquette. What's fair and decent, what's fantastic, and what's just plain asinine!

Let me make this clear... I am not referring to your cranky, or rude servers! Nobody deserves to be treated badly or with disregard, no matter how bad the servers day is going. And if your server isn't up to par in this aspect its a good time to speak up to a manager or owner. I'm referring to the people in this industry that leave our baggage at home and come to work to be of service, do our jobs, and make your experience enjoyable.

It all breaks down to the golden rule: Treat others as you'd like to be treated, which is the basis of all good etiquette. First of all, the tip you give the waiter/ waitress is independent of the quality of the food. You pay the server for their service ONLY. If you have a problem with the price of the meal, that should be taken up with management. If there is a problem with the quality of the food, that should be taken up with the head chef. The server has no control over these issues, so the amount of the tip CANNOT be dependent on these.

I can't tell you how many times I've busted my butt for a table to only walk away with a 5 or 10% tip if I'm lucky!! It really makes me wonder... was it worth my time to be able to buy a pack of gum?? And why? Is it pure ignorance on their part? And as it goes in the service industry most of us get taxed on our tips... so if you are leaving less than 15%, guess who's paying for it out of our pockets?! That's right!!

But then again there are some people that are savvy and will leave 20-25% no matter how wonderful or not so wonderful the service is, simply because they know that this is what servers/bartenders/etc. live off of, and maybe because they aren't bottom dwelling human beings. People that leave generous tips are class acts and it shows! One sure fire way to not win over the people you are treating to dinner, leave a cheap tip; Go ahead....see if that makes you look good!

Now, some patrons may say that they do not care what the server thinks about the tip being left, but know this: Servers/Bartenders have memories, too. If you plan to frequent their establishment, leaving a bad tip is a sure way to get bad service at your next visit. Even if you're given a different server, the first server you had may let the next know of the last tip left.

If your gonna go out for a dining experience realize that it is just that... an EXPERIENCE and you are getting what you pay for. If you don't want to tip or you want to leave pittance... go to McDonalds PLEASE!!
Common sense: tip should include the total price of the bill, do not exclude alcohol or tax, tip on the total!! Please don't ask your server to tally up another tab for your alcohol so that you don't have to leave a gratuity on it.

This truly applies to anyone in the service industry.  If you leave the poor man sweating his ass off in the 90 degree summer heat a buck, after he just detailed your escalade, well then that doesn't make you a 'big baller,' In fact, it just makes you a cheap son of a bitch who happens to have a nice vehicle.   Stiffing the poor lady that just waxed your bikini line?  Not too cool either.


20% is considered the new 15% and 25% is nice and it's always cool to see people go above and beyond. You will generally be remembered and more than likely have excellent service whenever you go back. Be aware of who you tip well and who you don't tip well! The servers at your favorite bars and local restaurants DO NOT reward repeat offenders with a drink on the house here and there or a free meal once in a while. It's important to give in life... it comes straight back to you always. Believe me, nobody wants to give outstanding service or a free glass of wine to a table that hasn't left much on previous visits......
Bottom line: This is what life is all about, giving and receiving, and living life with dignity. Just don't forget to think about others around you.
I'll tell you from experience, it feels so much better to be of service when you know that your service and work is appreciated, then it doesn't really seem like work at all.